25 Oct
2005
By: Barbara Desmarais
Parenting and Life Coach
It’s been a long day and you desperately want some adult time before heading off to bed yourself but your patience is being tried because your children won’t go to bed or take forever to settle. There are a number of strategies that can make bedtime easier if this sounds like your house. Let’s face it, some children though just naturally settle much easier than others. I always envied people whose children went to bed and went to sleep with little fuss.
If you’re a parent of an infant older than six month and who is still not sleeping through the night, there are a few methods worth considering depending on what you’re comfortable with. Dr. Richard Ferber’s book “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” teaches a method for infants up to preschoolers that involve letting your child “cry it out” until they learn to settle themselves to sleep. Parents go in and comfort their child at periodic intervals. The other is by Dr. William Sears who prescribes more attachment and sleeping with your baby. Another baby expert, Dr. Jodi Mindell advocates a sort of gentle Ferber approach. See what fits for you.
Children find it hard to separate from us at night and will do their best to stretch out bedtime for as long as possible. They usually do better if we try and stick to a routine at bedtime that involves a bath, a story and some quiet time with at least one parent. Depending how active your child is, it’s wise to start winding down an hour or two before bedtime begins. It’s hard for any of us to go right to sleep when we’ve been over stimulated. Decide ahead of time how many stories you’re prepared to read. If two short ones is all you’re up for then say that at the outset and let them choose the two they want. If you’re up for more, great but you don’t need to give in to demands for more than is reasonable. A nice way to conclude the day is to sit at the end of the bed and ask: “What was the best thing about today?” or “Did anything good happen today” or “Did anything bad happen today?” Try and end on a happy note. Children love the attention and it needn’t be more than five or ten minutes. Many children do better at night with a night light left on in the room. Once you know you’ve given them all they need train yourself not to give in to the endless demands that might follow.
Don’t forget to keep your needs in mind. What will make you a nicer mom or dad to be around? Having a good night’s sleep helps a lot and giving yourself adult time in the evening lessens resentment that too much of our time is being “stolen” by relentless demands of parenting.
Recommended reading:
SOLVE YOUR CHILD’S SLEEP PROBLEMS: Dr. Richard Ferber
NIGHTIME PARENTING: HOW TO GET YOUR BABY & CHILD TO SLEEP:
Dr. William Sears
SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT: HOW INFANTS, TODDLERS AND THEIR PARENTS CAN GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP: Dr. Jodi Mindell
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