Mom’s Way Vs. Dad’s Way

I had a conversation this morning with a client around her anger. We identified that the root cause of much of her anger was frustation. She gave me a recent example. She went off to work on Saturday morning leaving her husband in charge of their three children. She asked that various chores be done and that the kids finish their homework . Her expectation was that Dad would ensure everything got done. She arrived home to discover nothing had been done. She did say though that her husband had prepared a beautiful meal for the family but he had not overseen the chores or homework.

Moms are great at multi-tasking. We can listen to a child, sort the laundry and meal plan all at the same time. We’re great at it. We assume that when we leave Dad in charge, he too can multi-task. He can’t. It’s as simple as that. I asked my client if when she goes to work she feels confident that her children are safe and well supervised. She said yes and infact she doesn’t even think about what’s going on at home while she’s at work because she knows her husband is there. I explained to her that dads just have a different way of doing things and if she let go of her expectations she would feel less frustrated. From his perspective he was home caring for the kids and making dinner for everyone. Wasn’t that worth acknowledging? Wasn’t that enough?

So our expectations are often not met when we leave Dad in charge. What about the fun they have and what about the fact that our kids are with someone who loves them as much as we do. Men and women are wired differently and that’s OK. What might seem obvious to Mom doesn’t to Dad. Life goes on even if the dishes don’t get done or homework doesn’t get completed when Dad is in charge. Would we feel less frustrated and therefore less angry if we let go of our expecations?