Stay Together for the Sake of the Kids?

I recently had a parent ask me if I thought she would be able to provide all that her young son needed if she was on her own. She felt he would be better off if she and her husband separated because right now they are subjecting him to their constant fighting.

Should parents stay together for the sake of the kids? I think the answer to that is both yes and no. Yes because I think our kids need both a male and a female role model and they deserve to have a relationship with each of us. Also, being able to provide a strong family unit contributes to a child’s sense of worth and feeling of security.

As we all know conflict is part of any relationship and very often separating only creates more conflict and our kids are caught in the middle. If all avenues have been explored to resolve our problems and we’re still subjecting them to an atmoshphere that is dominated by hostility and tension, I think everyone is better off if Mom and Dad go their separate way.

All marriages have conflict; some more so than others. Our kids give us a very good reason to work hard at creating a better marriage, to pay attention to our primary relationship and to remember why we came together in the first place. They didn’t ask to be born so once we’ve brought them into the world we owe it to them to provide a loving and safe home environment. Fighting infront of our kids shakes their sense of security. They feel ignored and frightened. It doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything but it means we have a responsibility to show respect to each other while our kids are present and remain sensative to the impact our actions have on them.

I’ve met people who growing up never witnessed their parents arguing. That’s not necessarily healthy either. We need to be able to demonstrate to our kids that parents can disagree on things, work out their differences and still love and respect each other. Arguments that regularly escalate into screaming matches don’t ever get resolved by running away. We all know that fighting over who left the wet towels on the floor is never about wet towels. We have to learn to find out what the real issues are and then move forward. Relationships, I’ve learned are about us. The issues that trigger an emotional response in us provide a valuable teaching tool. They call attention to our broken parts; the parts that need strengthening or healing.