Raising Boys

I am working with a couple of clients right now who are raising young boys. As I was raising a young boy, they are perplexed at their love of rough play, guns and weaponry. I grew up with sisters and didn’t even have boy cousins to play with so this was all quite new to me when my son wanted to turn everything into a gun and couldn’t have enough swords and action figures. He loved to wrestle with his friends and was often seen “shooting” someone. Did we supply him with toy guns? I was dead against ever buying him any kind of a gun but finally broke down and bought him a squirt gun. Once I was satisfied his squirt guns were harmless, he ended up having several, over the years. I realized that no amount of discouraging such play was going to make a difference. It seemed he was like most of the other little boys in the neighborhood and in his preschool and elementary school. I read the book “Raising Cain” by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson when my son was about eight years old which helped explain a lot.

I have explained to my two clients who are moms of boys, that their sons’ behavior doesn’t mean they are going to become aggressive adults and that it was all quite normal. I have yet to see any research supporting the notion that men who turn into criminals turned out that way because they played with toy guns as young boys. My son now at sixteen is not at all aggressive in his behavior.

While doing an internet search for further resources, I found a link with information around raising boys that offers insights to anyone wondering why boys are the way they are. It includes a Q&A section with answers from Michael Thompson who co-authored “Raising Cain”.