Whining

Do you have a child who whines? It’s one of those behaviors that comes close to the top of the list of irritants. Most parents will say they can’t stand it.

Children will whine as a way to get our attention. If they’re frustrated, upset or disappointed about something and whine about it, it usually gets a response from us. When we respond to their pleas while they’re using a whiny voice, we’ve reinforced it and will likely get more of the same. Usually the reason we respond is because we’ll do anything if we think it will stop the whining.

There are a couple of ways to deal with whining and one is to simply say: “When you can talk to me in a nice voice I’d be happy to help you.” Or you can say: “Sure, I’ll get you a cookie as soon as you stop whining.” You’re more likely to get co-operation if you use a normal tone of voice. If you get more whining, just continue to repeat your request. It’s not effective to punish a child for whining. They’ll then go from whining to crying and everything will escalate.

Another way to handle whining is to notice your child when he’s asking for something, or telling you something in an appropriate way. You can say something like: “I’d be happy to get that for you and I love that you asked me without whining.” Or you can say, “I see that you’re upset about that and you know what else I notice? You’re upset but you’re not whining. Good for you!”