What Role Do You Play In Your Family?

My mother just celebrated her 80th birthday. My sisters and I drove to her home to celebrate with her. She lives 500 miles north of us. For the most part we all get along well and can call each other friends. We share the same sense of humour and like a lot of the same music.

It’s been a few years since the three of us were together with my parents in their home. The last time was to attend my father’s funeral, four years ago. What is interesting to me is how we all immediately assume the same roles we had when were were all living together as a family. One day Mom was announcing to my sister and I what she was planning to do next and then asked: “What are you kids going to be doing?” Her mind is still very sharp so it’s not like she suddenly slipped into dimentia and forgot that her children are now all in their 50’s. My sister replied: “You kids???” She laughed and realized what she had just said.

I’m the middle of three girls and am a classic “peacekeeper”. When I was growing up, if tensions were flaring I did whatever was expected of me and tried to making everything right. I recognized in myself on this recent trip how I jumped into that same role whenever there was a bit of friction between my two sisters or between Mom and one of my sisters. I took on that role for so many years. I’ve had to work hard at being comfortable with some conflict and standing up for what I know is right. It’s great being close to our parents as long as we can assume a separate identity. It takes work sometimes.