The Parenting Coach

Tonight is the night we bring in the New Year. What are your plans? Are the kids going to stay up? My husband and I are having a few close friends over for a late dinner and to spend the evening. I’m cooking salmon fillets with a dill sauce.

What are your goals for 2007? I just had a long chat with my friend and buddy coach and we shared our goals for the coming year. We didn’t talk about resolutions. I’m going to be writing them down and saying them out loud. I know for certain when I focus on what I want rather than what I don’t want, I’m more likely to see positive results. So, what are YOUR goals for the coming year?

Whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year, I would like to offer you my very best wishes.

To all of you who read my blog, visit my website, attend my workshops, choose me to coach you, attend my ASL for Babies classes, read my articles, or visit the parenting network I co-moderate with GG Gaggaro, you have helped to make 2006 a wonderful year for me. So many of you have touched my life in very special ways. Thank you.

I wish all of you a healthy and prosperous 2007.

In a perfect world parents would always agree on parenting. The reality is we all come from different backgrounds and no two people were raised exactly the same way. We tend to repeat the parenting practices of our parents. If your a mom and your mother yelled a lot, it’s likely you will too. If you’re a dad and your dad was very involved with your upbringing, you will probably be the same. If your parents argued a lot, you will likely argue a lot with your partner or spouse.

Most of us think our way is the right way. Often Mom’s “right” is very different than Dad’s “right” and the result is a lot of tension and bickering between parents. Freqently all that bickering about whose way is right, is done in front of our kids and we’ve created an atmosphere of hostility and tension. One thing that is certain, our kids can’t thrive in the way we’d like them to if the home they’re being raised in is full of anamosity and tension.

I remember when my kids were young, I wanted to limit the junk food they consumed. My husband is less food concious than I am so he often gave them food and beverages I didn’t approve of. I made a decision to let go of my disapproval around some of the treats he gave them. I realized my display of anger towards him was much harder on our kids than the harm of eating a bag of chips once in awhile.

When I’m coaching parents I always ask them to consider the big picture. What kind of memories do you want to create? How do you want to role model healthy relationships? How important is it to you that your children grow up in a loving and peaceful home? The next time you insist your way is the right way, ask yourself if in the long run it will really matter. Will this really matter five or ten years from now? My guess is, probably not. If we’re regularly arguing with each other in front of our kids will that matter in the long run? Yes it will.

I have a client right now who is a mother to three children under 10 and her husband works out of town during the week. One of her children is particularly challenging which has prompted her to send me emails desperate for some help. We’ve been working together to try and find the source of her child’s problems. In the meantime, she is working a job that requires her full attention 24 hours a day 5 days a week when her husband is away. She has no family living close by. As I’m listening to her and reading her emails, all I can think is “She needs a break.” I asked if there was anyone in the neighborhood she trusted that could watch her kids for a few hours once or twice a week. I’ve shared this with both her and her husband. During our most recent session, she reported to me that she had found someone. It happens to be a mature woman who lives right next door and had actually offered to help before but they had never taken her up on her offer. They’ve set something up to give my client a few hours to herself at least once a week.

This is a perfect example of how the Law of Attraction works. When we put our attention to what we want, instead of what we don’t want, somehow the Universe delivers. The answer to some of her problems was a stone throw away.

I just popped into the Oprah site to see the line-up for this week.  Tomorrow’s show is talking about the secret language of babies.  I’m sure it will be fascinating.  Haven’t you always wondered what all those different cries mean?  

If you’ve watched the movie The Secret you’re familiar with the Law of Attraction. If you haven’t seen the movie and have never heard of the LOA, let me give you a brief explanation of what it is.

What we think about and put our energy and focus on, is what we attract into our lives. That includes all the good things plus the bad things. For example if we put a lot of focus on all the things that are going wrong in our lives, we get more of the same. If we focus on the things that are going well, we get more of the same. What is so wonderful about The Law of Attraction is that once we understand how it works we can begin to change our thoughts and attract more of what we want. There are scores of books written on the subject and many people teaching it so if you want to learn more there is no shortage of information.

I’ve been informally studying the LOA for about four years and have decided to take some formal training through the Law of Attraction Training Center to learn how I can better apply it to my own life and teach it to parents. Bringing more good into our lives can only make families stronger, happier and more harmonious. Teaching our kids how they can manifest anything they desire, gives me goose bumps. Do you know that if you start saying out loud how much you LOVE having whatever it is you want, you change your vibration and eventually your subconscious minds believes that you already have it, and it will appear?

You can download the movie for only $4.95 and see for yourself how the Law of Attraction works and learn some of the amazing results people have had by simply changing their thoughts. It’s fascinating.

I receive a daily quote from Bob Proctor. This is today’s quote. I love it.

As Greg paces the floor, waiting for his 17-year-old daughter Sandy to return from a school event, he feels two conflicting emotions: fear and anger. Fear that something terrible has happened to her. Anger because he thinks his fear is probably unfounded and Sandy is not hurt, simply irresponsible.

Finally, Sandy calls. She’s all right. She just lost track of time. Greg’s fear disappears, but his anger grows.

The love that motivated his worry is overwhelmed by a growing sense of outrage, and he begins to rehearse what he will say, what punishment he will inflict. Unless he intercepts his anger, it can easily turn to rage, an emotion likely to produce foolishly impulsive conduct that’s likely to alienate Sandy and widen the rift between them.

Here’s the character challenge: Can Greg stop the runaway train of anger long enough to think about his objectives? His immediate goal is to vent his fury and frustration and teach Sandy a lesson. His long-term goal is to strengthen - not weaken - his relationship with his daughter and help her become more responsible and respectful.

If Greg stops and thinks about his broader goal, he will want to turn this event into a positive teaching moment. To do that, he will have to choose his words and tone carefully.

Good managers don’t yell at or demean employees because it would be ineffective and unethical. Parents have no less duty to be tactful and respectful when dealing with their children.

Remember that character counts!

Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org