Archive for the 'Blog' Category

What are you tolerating?

Saturday, February 24th, 2007

Yesterday I gave a workshop for support staff of our local school district.  The workshop was:  “How to Have a Life and Still Be a Great Parent”.  One of the exercise we do is to list at least 20 things we’re tolerating right now.  Those are things from the very small to the very large such as a cupboard that needs cleaning out to a job you’re dissatisfied with.  I gave everyone time to make their list and then went around the room asking each person to share one toleration they felt they could eliminate in the next 48 hours.  People said things like:  “wash my car”, “fix my leaking tap”, “clean up my yard”.  We all agreed that attending to those small things we’re tolerating creates space and makes us feel lighter. 

 

Does eliminating small tolerations suddenly give you the life you want?  Of course not but we always start with baby steps.  Tolerations weigh us down.  They’re always there and we can feel burdened by them.  Think of the times you’ve attended to a task you’ve been putting off and how much better it makes you feel.  It often motivates us to move on to something else.  I know everytime I clean out the fridge I feel a sense of accomplishment and wonder why I don’t do it more often.  Attending to those small tasks is a mood enhancer. 

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Teaching manners

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
We hear over and over how kids today just don’t have the same respect for adult authority as previous generations.  Why is that?  I don’t think we can point our finger to any one factor.  Somehow they seem to pick up very early that they can talk back to their parents and challenge authority.  Some do it once in awhile and others do it consistently.
How much importance do we put on plain, old fashioned manners?  I think we would agree that we can excuse a lot of things if a person is polite and respectful.  Most of us have little tolerance for rudeness from anyone of any age.  In fact it’s hard to look past it.
What is the best way to teach manners?  We can simply remind our kids to say “please”, “thank-you”, “excuse-me”, “I’m sorry” and ”may I?”.  With little ones, it takes a lot of reminding and it takes being consistent.  Probably the most powerful way to teach manners is to role model exactly the kind of behavior you want to see.  It’s especially effective when you are polite to your kids and they hear you being polite to other people.  They copy all the behavior they see. Also, acknowledge them when they use their manners.  Always, the behavior that gets noticed is the behavior we will see more of. 

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Computer fun for kids of all ages

Saturday, February 10th, 2007

Parents, here is a fabulous link for little ones who want to play on the computer.   Try it out yourself.  There’s an artist in all of us!

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Are you living for your parents?

Thursday, February 8th, 2007

I had my first session today with a new client who came to me around difficulties she is having with her six year old daughter.  We spent a lot of time talking about her background and what brought her to the place she is now; that is a very discontented person.  Without going into all the details she said she allowed her dad to make all her decisions for her.  He made it clear that he knew what was best for her and other options would not be supported.   The result is a grown woman who doesn’t know who she is or what her own values are.  She’s a woman who is carrying around a lot of resentment.  Her kids pick up the tab. 

 We’re going to be working together to craft a life that truely reflects who she is.  We need to find out what her values are, what she’s tolerating, what makes her laugh, and what her passions are.  It may ultimately mean making some big changes.  It will mean letting go of trying to please her dad and learning to please herself instead.  The end result will be a happy mom who will be more patient, tolerant and better able to embrace all that comes her way as a parent. 

One thing that was interesting to me was in the course of the conversation she said:  “We have very high expectations of our daughter.  She’s very bright and mature for her age.”  I pointed out that that sounded much like her dad.  She put her head down and agreed that she was repeating a pattern. 

When I hear stories like this it reminds all of us who are parents to let go of our expectations and allow our kids to be who they are.  Celebrate their special telents and interests.  Love them for exactly who they were meant to be; not what we want them to become.  We all say we want our kids to be happy but living someone else’s dream does not produce a happy adult. 

 

 

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Don’t Run!

Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
This afternoon while I was in a restaurant with my sister and friend, I walked past a mom who was saying to her little boy who looked about five, “Don’t run!!”  It made me immediately think how often we tell our kids not to do such and such instead of what to do.  I didn’t keep looking to see if the little boy actually didn’t run but my feeling was that he was probably very tempted to run because the word that was emphasized was “run”.  It’s funny how this mom’s first thought was to say “Don’t run!” instead of “Please walk.”  So, here is something to try.  The next time you tell your children not to do something, instead instruct them on what you’d like them to do. 

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