The Parenting Coach

I participated in a Law of Attraction class today that focused on the power of words.  I was asked to speak on how words affect parenting.  Our choice of words is profound when it comes to how children see themselves.  It’s a huge topic but I chose to zero in on two words that enhance all our relationships.  We don’t use these words often enough.  We demand them of our children but I don’t think we role model the use of them as often as we could.  The two words I’m referring to are “THANK YOU.” 

Do your kids hear you say “thank-you” to your partner for simple things? Do you say “thank-you” to your kids for remembering to do something or for simply making you laugh or smile? Do you say “thank-you” to your friends for their support or their friendship? Do you ever make a special phone call to someone just to say “thank-you”? These two simple words can make someone’s day. 

I remember once going out for dinner with a couple of friends and our server was excellent.  She was attentive and friendly but didn’t go over board.  She was just right.  We decided to acknowledge her and say thank you for the great service.  We elaborated on how impressed we all were. She was touched.  We could see it in her face.  It was so simple.

By now many people have heard the phone message from Alec Baldwin to his daughter. Let me first of all say I think it’s wrong that the public has access to this.  It’s none of our business.  What it does bring up though is the whole subject of verbal abuse.  What we heard on that tape is not rare.  Many parents lose control and get into a fit of rage with their children.  The impact of that kind of tirade on a child is profound.  Harsh words stay with us forever.  They’re an assault on our whole sense of self.  We become outraged as a society when we hear about a radio announcer degrading women of a certain color.  Verbally assaulting a child warrants the same kind of outrage.  It’s damaging to the soul. 

Parents who verbally assault their children don’t want to be that way.  They are often riddled with guilt but can’t seem to stop themselves.  Their outbursts are about them, not their children.  Emotionally, they are still children themselves.  They need help and thankfully there is no end of resources to help . 

I listened to the news report today that described the horrific events the unfolded at Virginia Tech.  There are no words to describe something so horrific.  I’m left wondering what brings about this kind of a rage in a person. 

I don’t know anything about the family of the gunman so I will not judge.  What I do know though is that killers very often have had a very troubled childhood.  It reminds all of us who are parents what a profound impact we have on the future of our children. Whatever happens during childhood; both good and bad we bring with us into our adulthood. If we as parents make a drastic mistake, we can’t go back.  We only get one chance at raising a child. 

Whatever caused this man to do what he did? What kind of childhood did he have?  Did he feel unloved? Did he feel rejected?  Perhaps we’ll never know.   

One of the best ways to attract what you want is to do what makes you feel good.  Why?  It raises your vibration.  When we’re thinking bad thoughts, doing things that bore us, interacting with negative people we simply can’t vibrate at a high level.  We can though easily raise our vibration by simply choosing to do something that make us feel good. 

Yesterday for fun, my mom and I went to a local day spa just for a special treat.  I had a manicure and my mom had a pedicure.  My manicure was much more than getting my nails painted.  I had my hands massaged and  my arms, right up to my elbows were moisturized with a combination of luscious, natural ingredients that felt heavenly and smelled just as good.  It felt so good.  My mom had a similar treatment for her feet that included hot wax.  It put us both in a great space for hours. 

Whenever I treat myself to something like a manicure, I always wonder why I don’t do it more often.  Even though I smudged the nail polish on two of my fingers, my hands look lovely and feel wonderful.  The sun is out today and it’s a warm, spring day.  I’m going to go for a long walk. That’ll make me feel good too. 

Recently I was presented with some bad choices my son had made around school. I immediately decided as a result of his choices he would lose the privilege or driving my car for the next couple of weeks. My husband and I talked about it and he agreed it was an appropriate consequence. The next day Marc asked if we could compromise because he felt he should have been given a warning. I acknowledged that he had a point so we made some changes to the car arrangement. We also talked in detail around his choices and that it’s our job to guide him. He said he understood.

My daughter drives my car as well and at times the two of them have conflict around who gets to drive the car. I just tell them they have to work it out themselves and they always do. She was surprised we had changed the the consequence with Marc. I explained to her that when our kids do something wrong parents often react out of fear or hurt which is expressed through anger. When we calm down and give ourselves time to reflect we re-evaluate our initial response which is actually more of a reaction to something rather than a carefully thought out response.

How often do you react rather than respond to your children’s behaviors?