Do you let your kids learn from their mistakes?

Some of our greatest learning comes from the mistakes we make.  Many people will say we learn best through our mistakes.  Why is that we often don’t allow our kids to learn from their mistakes?

Many of us hover over our kids as they do their homework or work on a project or learn a new skill.  We want to make sure they “do it right.”  We can’t stand the thought of them messing up or, heaven forbid, failing. We have a tendency do to a lot of things for them that they can often do themselves albeit more slowly or awkwardly.  After all if we do it for them, it will be done properly. That’s our thinking.

Do you ever allow yourself to stand back and say:  “If I let her/him do this on her own what’s the worst thing that can happen?”  Sometimes the consequences are very minor or at worst inconvenient.  But the learning that comes from doing and making a “mistake” has far more impact than the consequence of doing something wrong.  I put “mistake” in quotes because many people will say there are no mistakes.  How can something be a mistake if we’ve learned for more than if we hadn’t tried at all or just sat back and watched someone else do it?

Common sense tells us that there are of course times during the childrearing years and beyond we have to take a major role.  That’s our job.  We’re responsibility for their health and safety.  I often tell parents though, there are many opportunities we can give our children where they can later say:  “I did it all by myself!” They love to hear us say:  “I’m so proud of you.  You figured that out all by yourself.”

When our kids ask us for help or ask us to do something for them, often we can reply with:  “Why don’t you try and figure it out first?” or “This is what you do first.  After you’ve done that, let me know and I’ll tell you what to do next.”  You can still guide in the process without actually doing things for them.

When very young children are learning to button their clothes, or zip up their zippers or tie their shoes, it’s so easy for us to step in a do it for them because we can do it so much faster. Get used to saying things like:  “I know you can do it.”  Some things might take a nudge or two from us but after that they’re on their way.  They figure things out on their own.

Every time we make a mistake we can say to our kids:  “I forgot to do this or that or I did this or that wrong but I sure learned a lot.”  After we’ve allowed our kids to do something on their own and something didn’t work out it can lead to a discussion of “What do you learn from that?”