Good parenting involves much more than effective discipline

A few days ago I attended a meeting to discuss parent workshop ideas for deaf parents. There are a number of factors that deaf parents deal with that hearing parents don’t. Among all the topics we discussed I realized one thing was missing. I’ve learned throughout my years of coaching privately that we can know all the best ways to discipline and learn how to communicate effectively but if our primary relationship isn’t healthy, our family is going to suffer.

I’ve come to realize that a huge piece in learning how to be a good parent is paying close attention to the relationship you have with the other parent whether you’re married or separated. Children are very sensitive and pick up all the energy in the house even if harsh words aren’t directed at them. They start to feel insecure and fearful. If tension and fighting between parents is the norm, children will go into their own survival mode to feel more comfortable or more safe.

Sometimes when I get a call from a parent who is describing a child who is always out of sorts or lashing out I will often ask if there is any tension in the household. Almost always they will say yes. If that’s the case we want to start focusing on healing our primary relationship and when we do, we notice changes in everyone’s behavior.

As parents we are the managers of the household. We need to be managers who love and respect each other and are in sync most of the time. If we’re not, the whole family suffers; each member in their own way.