The Parenting Coach

In the last few months there seems to be a common theme with some of my clients. They complain that one of their children is prone to melt-downs, easily aggravated by the smallest thing, acting aggressively towards them and being rude. Most of us have children who have acted this way at one time or another; some much more than others. What is the problem when this is more the norm than the exception?

There is always a reason why children misbehave which I’ve discussed in other blog posts. Something in their life isn’t quite right. Almost always, when I ask for more information, my instinct tells me many of these children are seeking attention. You might be saying “But I’m with her/him all the time.” or “We just went to a movie together.” There is a difference between being physically present and being both physically and emotionally present. Children know when we’re really WITH them. They feel connected. They feel acknowledged and heard.

One sure way to get noticed is to act out. “If I kick my sister, Mom will pay attention to me for sure” is their line of thinking. Or it might be, “If I yell and scream because Dad put my socks on wrong, he’ll really pay attention to me.” The thing is, it works every time and the more we respond to it, the more of the same we get. Soon the acting out child gets labelled “a problem” and will live up to the label. We expect it and often start to anticipate the next incident.

Something has to change to break the cycle. Often misbehavior can be from something as simple as hunger of fatigue. That’s easy to explain. But when it’s for attention and when you sit back and start reviewing the week or the month it all starts to become clear. Children need and want to be noticed in a positive way. They want to feel they’re heard and that they’re special. They want to have you all to themselves sometimes and not have to share your attention with a sibling.

I’ve often suggested to parents who present these kinds or problems, to plan a regular outing with each child. I might suggest as well to spend an extra 5 minutes with each child at bedtime, going over the day. You can say things like: “What was the best part of today?” or “Did anything good happen today? Did anything bad happen today?”

Almost always, parents will tell me their “problem” child is no problem at school or daycare and when they’re alone with them things are great. There is no conflict at all. That information is useful. When is your child at his/her best? What is happening and who are they with? The more we understand the problem, the better chance we have of addressing it and significantly decreasing the bad behavior.

If you’re interesting in hearing about parent coaching, tune in to 940 News from Montreal on Sunday, August 12th at 12 noon Eastern.  Click on the button that says:  “Listen live.” I was interviewed by Lianne Costelino of the show “Parent Talk with Lianne and Andrea”.   Liannne and Andrea are owners of Liandrea a site that offers parenting DVD’s and a wealth of other parenting resources.  The interview is about 15 minutes long and gives a brief overview of what I do as a parenting coach. 

If you’ve read my website or know me personally, you’ll know I’m big into the Law of Attraction (LOA).  I know for certain that what we focus on expands and by changing our thinking and our actions we can create the life we want.

Our house is over 20 years old so the kitchen and bathrooms are outdated.  Several months ago I decided it would be wonderful to step into a beautiful bathroom that had a spa-like feel to it.  I shared my dream with several people and looked in magazines and online for the kind of bathroom I wanted. I’ve also been writing how grateful I am for my new bathroom. I had no idea where the money would come from to make it happen but I trusted it would come. 

A few months after I launched my desire for a new bathroom I came into some unexpected money.  I now had the money to go ahead with my plan!!  I wasn’t surprised at all that the Universe had come through.  I just didn’t know where the money was going to come from.

My original thought was to just do our ensuite bathroom which is referred to as my bathroom since my husband and kids use the main bathroom.  My husband and I discussed our options and decided that instead of doing just the one bathroom we would do a face-lift to both.  The end result would not match my original desire but we would end up with two nice, new looking bathrooms instead of one deluxe ensuite and a main bathroom that would still be in dire need of improvement. 

As I write this a tile setter is doing the finishing touches to the ensuite and a plumber will be coming on Thursday to install the new shower set.  Tomorrow all the tiles and flooring in the second bathroom will be torn out. By the end of the summer we’ll have two bathrooms that will look like new!  The colors are neutral and I plan to add accessories to give the ensuite a spa feel to it.