The Parenting Coach

There has been an ongoing discussion on the business network Ryze about empowerment led by personal development coach, Jeanie Marshall.  It has heightened my awareness around certain areas of my life where I have given away my power.  I shared a personal story on the Women in Networking (W.I.N.) forum on empowerment that I’ll share here. 

My husband is a perfectionist and does a very thorough job of whatever he does.  He likes to take control of projects around the house.  He is the one who does all the painting when anything needs painting or re-painting.  The only problem is he is a procrastinator so sometimes painting jobs get put on hold for months or even years.   Once I’ve decided to do something, I like to get to it right away and work away  until it’s done.  The result is, I’m often carrying around resentment because of the many projects that are on hold until my husband gets around to doing them. 

After reading some of Jeanie’s articles on empowerment I suddenly realized how I had given a lot of my power away by not stepping up and getting things started myself.  We have bathroom renovations going on right now.  I decided I wanted our ensuite painted a different color to which my husband was agreeable.  My thoughts immediately went to “Here we go again.  It could be months before I see a new paint color on the wall.” 

I took the first step by choosing a paint color.  We went together to buy the paint but there it sat.  “I’ll start next weekend” my husband said.  After 23 years of marriage I knew that “next weekend” could mean six months from now.  I’ve watched him prepare the walls enough times to know what needs to be done.  While he was out of town last week I decided to take matters into my own hands and took everything off the walls, filled and sanded the holes, washed down the walls with TSP then applied the undercoat. I was so proud of myself!  Why did it take me so long to realize I had given away so much of my power.  I can do this!

My husband returned from his business trip and two days later painted the bathroom, plus installed the new light fixture.  The project isn’t quite complete but much closer to completion than if I’d left all the work up to him thinking I couldn’t do anything. 

I know now I can tackle the next painting project.  I don’t need to let anyone convince me I can’t do it.  I can and will!  My relationship did not suffer from my actions, on little bit. 

Last week there was a story in our local paper around concerns a group of child psychologists have regarding children being over-supervised and spending too much time in front of a monitor. I wrote a letter to the editor in response to the story and it was published in Friday’s paper. This is what I wrote:

Re: Lack of play hurting children’s mental health

I was very interested in your story about the letter published in the UK’s Daily Telegraph regarding the deterioration in children’s mental health. I’ve had frequent conversations with parents over the years around how “hands on” we all are compared to the way we were raised in the 60’s. We all remember the only requirement when we went out was to be home for dinner. Our whereabouts didn’t seem to matter and we seldom remember parents at school.

My own children are now grown but I notice an even greater vigilance around supervision and over-involvement by parents since mine were young. What does it say to a child whose every move is supervised? How can they learn to trust the outside world and gain confidence in themselves? If we intervene with every conflict how can they learn to effectively resolve issues? How can they learn to develop their imaginations if their eyes are always on a screen? How can they learn to form healthy relationships if they’re not encouraged to be with groups of children in an un-structured environment?

I remember while studying Early Childhood Education we were told over and over how play was a child’s work and how important it was for children to engage in free-play and be given plenty of opportunity to create, explore and discover on their own. This applies to children of all ages.

I was just reading a blog questioning the advantage of the phasing in process for preschool and kindergarten. My children both did gradual entry which at the time didn’t make sense to me. They were both more than ready. I was a stay-at-home mom so it didn’t inconvenience me a whole lot but for working parents it can be very difficult juggling their work day to accommodate a gradual entry process. Many of their children have been in daycare for a year or more so most likely ready for their new school. Most of us prepare our children well in advance of their new experience and in most cases they’ve visited their new school prior to the first day. Phasing in gradually can be very frustrating for a child because he/she wants to be at their new school and is eager to participate fully.

Do you think gradual entry is worthwhile and beneficial? Are you a working parent who has had to juggle your schedule and find alternative childcare the days your child isn’t in school? Do you think your child was/is better off phasing in rather than starting right off with the regular hours?

Now that school is back into full swing in most parts of the world, I thought I would post a few tips to make the daily routine a little easier on everyone. I also posted these in my September newsletter.

1. If this is the first time your child is attending for a full day, expect a little more fatigue than usual. Allow for down time.
2. Keep scheduled after-school activities to a minimum. Too much structure and meeting schedules can be stressful.
3. When your child arrives home from school and you ask: “What did you do at school today?” don’t expect a lot of details. Instead you can ask: “What was the best part about school today?” or “What was one thing you learned today?” Questions that are more specific tend to get a more satisfying response.
4. Simplify your morning routine by making lunches the night before, getting clothes set out the night before and have back-packs and shoes at the door. You might even pour dry cereal into bowls the night before and have them on the breakfast table so all you need to do is pour the milk in the morning.
5. A really good way to learn how your child manages at school is to volunteer in their classroom a few hours a month. It’s also a great way to get to know their teachers.
6. Remember school projects are for your child to do, not you. Try to resist getting overly involved. Instead, guide and support.