Parenting and the extended family

When it comes to extended family we see a whole variety of scenarios.  Some families have grandparents living in the home with them.  Some families have a very large extended family living close by who they spend a lot of time with.  Other families have grandparents that live in other towns and cities but they’re able to get together regularly and we also have families who have very little or no contact with their extended family.  Some children develop a very close relationship with their aunts, uncles and cousins and others barely know them. 

Children who grow up with a loving and close relationship with their extended family are blessed, in my opinion.  I didn’t know my grandparents growing up and always envied my friends who were close to theirs.  Next to the immediate family, the people who love our children the most, are our extended family.  They care about all the milestones, the small and big accomplishments, the incidental events of daily life,  and they are the people who are there when we have a challenge.  The more people who love and care for our children, the more secure they feel.  There is no such thing as being loved by too many people. 

This week I’m presenting a workshop on parenting and the extended family.  The first thing I want to talk about is what extended family gives.  What do they bring to our family unit?  What do children gain by having a close relationship with their relatives?  What are they missing if they don’t have a relationship with their extended family?  We’re going to discuss difficulties we encounter and how we can overcome those difficulties.  We’ll discuss communication strategies.  For instance if your mother has a parenting style that you oppose, how do you communicate that in a way that doesn’t destroy your relationship?  We’ll also talk about what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. 

There are times when relationships with extended family are toxic.  When is it in everyone’s best interest to terminate those relationships?  Sometimes it’s the only answer.  For the most part though, children only benefit from having a close and loving relationship with their extended family.  They enrich their whole childhood experience.  Memories are created that stay with them a lifetime.