Chatty Kids

Last week I was interviewed by a writer for Today’s Parent magazine on how to deal with kids who want to talk all the time.  If we don’t have a child who likes to talk a lot we probably know or have known one. 

Every child is born with their own personality.  Some are extroverts and some are introverts and others are a little of both.  I recently took a class on personality types and learned that people who are extroverts like to think outloud.  They process things verbally rather than internally.  It may be you have a child who is a natural extrovert.  That’s just who they are.

Incessant talking can also be a way to get attention.  If children feel they’re not being noticed they’ll find a way to get noticed.  Non-stop talking is a way to say:  “Look at me.  Listen to me!”  If that’s the case, it’s a signal to us to notice our children more and acknowledge them when they’re not demanding our attention.

What we DON’T want to say are things like:

• “You talk to much!”
• “We’ve heard enough out of you”
• “Can’t you be quiet for a change?”

Children who hear those messages over and over will feel inhibited later in life to share their thoughts and ideas.  Negative messages can have a far greater impact on our sense of worth than positive messages.  I read somewhere that it takes 16 positive comments to erase 1 negative comment.

How do you deal with a child who talks all the time?  You can say things like: 

• “I know you have something to share but it’s Meagan’s turn right now.”
• “Sometimes I just need quiet and right now is one of those times.”
• “As soon as I’m finished what I’m doing, I’d love to hear what you have to say.”

Children who talk all the time can often monopolize.  Other people feel they can’t get a word in and they feel controlled by the talker.  Monopolizers aren’t very popular.  Part of our job as a parent is to teach socially acceptable behavior. You might want to get into a dialogue with your chatty child around how they think it might feel for someone who has something really exciting or special to share but they don’t get a chance because someone else is always talking. 

It used to be that children were to be seen and not heard.  We all know that there has been a dramatic shift in the way we view children and that’s a good thing.  Children do deserve to be heard but they don’t have a right to demand our attention all the time or take over a conversation.