Teens: A Five Step Guide To Help You Through The Teen Years

When our kids become teenagers, everyone goes through a transition.  We have to come to terms with the fact that our parenting role is changing and our kids are trying to make their way through the maze of peer pressure, media influences and more demanding school work.  This time can be fraught with conflict if we don’t take time to understand and accept these changing times.  Here are five steps to help you get through these years without losing your hair or your mind.

1. Accept that the behavior you see now will not last forever.

Teenagers often become rude and disrespectful and develop a “know-it-all” attitude.  It’s easy to feel you’ve lost your easy-going, loving child.  As difficult as it is to see your “nice little girl” suddenly start to talk back and want to wear provocative clothes, this is only a phase.  It doesn’t mean she has to get her way but take comfort in knowing that this stage will not last and as the teen years draw to a close you’ll get your child back.

2. Understand the number one need for teens is the need to belong.

When your child becomes a teen they will suddenly start asking for all the latest gadgets and be part of all the latest clothing fads.  This is absolutely natural.  The most important thing for them at this stage of their life is to feel they belong.  They want to look and be like everyone else.  If your child has asked to wear a certain style of blue jean but you’re trying to convince them that “x” brand is just as good, they won’t buy it.  It’s not what everyone else is wearing.  If what they’re asking for is beyond your budget, it’s an opportunity to negotiate a cost sharing arrangement.  You can say something like:  If you want those jeans, I’d be willing to pay $50 towards them and you can make up the rest.”

3. Don’t fall for the line:  “I’m the only who……” 

Teens will try and convince you that you’re a mean and unreasonable parent because you’re asking them to be home at a certain time or that you insist on calling to make sure where they’re going has parent supervision.  Trust and know that you’re doing the right thing.  They’ll thank you for it when they grow out of their teens. 

4. Don’t assume because they’re teens, they no longer need you.

Teenagers will act as though they don’t care if you’re home or not.  The truth is, they do want to know they we care about them and are interested in what’s going on in their lives.  You don’t want to be intrusive but you do want to be emotionally available at all times.  Show an interest in what interests them.  

5. Allow your teen to learn important life lessons

We are living in a time of “helicopter parenting”.  There is a tendency for parents to over-manage and rescue when their teens fall behind in school, have conflicts with peers or start to think about their future careers.  The very best life lessons are learned when we make “mistakes”.  Ask yourself if you step back and let your teen figure things how for herself, what is the worst that could happen.  The majority of situations are not life threatening.  They need to know we have confidence in them to find their own solutions and work things out on their own.  Allow yourself to be a guide but not an enabler.