The Parenting Coach

As a parent one thing I’m continuously reminded of is what a powerful role model I am.  Our kids watch and copy our words and actions all the time.  Sometimes they copy things we would rather they not copy.  Sometimes our efforts to be a positive role model pay off.

Back in the early 70’s when I was training to be an early childhood educator I learned a whole new way of being with children.  I had some excellent teachers and some wonderful sponsor teachers in my practicums.  I often heard teachers saying “thank-you” to preschoolers.  I would hear things like:  “Thank-you for listening” or “Thank-you for sharing” or “Thank-you for picking up the toys.” 

It just felt right to me to be  considerate and kind to young children.  When I had my own I automatically knew to thank them for small things because by that time I had taught many young children and had been saying it a lot.  It was a habit.

My children are now soon to be 19 and 21.  No, they’re not perfect. They’re quite normal young adults.  Both of them are very good about saying thank-you.  They will say things like “Thanks for picking up my dry cleaning” or “Thanks for dinner Mom” or “Thanks for coming with me” or “Thanks for your help”.  It’s heart warming.  I know it’s a habit because it’s been role modeled.  I now can say “thank-you” to the people who were such a positive influence on me when I was training to be a preschool teacher.   

Recently I was talking with a young mom about raising boys. She told me when her son was a toddler he was so difficult to manage, it caused a lot tension between her and her husband. She said it got so bad  they separated for a period of time.When we bring children into our marriage we suddenly have a new dynamic. Parenting brings out a different side of people and sometimes we’re surprised by how our partner assumes their role. Difficulties can come between you or all the joys of parenting can enhance your marriage.

I had all the answers. I was well into my thirties when my first child was born and had worked with children for many years, studied child rearing practices, had many hours of babysitting behind me, and was more than ready to be a parent. When my first child was born I was instantly a mother of three. My husband’s twin eight year old sons lived with us. As much as I embraced my role of mother and knew this is what I wanted, some days I just wanted to scream “I don’t want to be a parent today!!”Parenting is a demanding and all encompassing job. It is an around the clock job. There is little recognition or status attached to it. You’re constantly having to think of the needs of others and the older your children get, you find yourself having to negotiate and problem solve almost daily. It can be draining. You’re also asked to listen to things that are mundane and boring but nevertheless important to your child.What do you do on those days you’d rather be sitting on the beach with a margarita in your hand than going over a spelling list for the tenth time, or listening to a child who can’t seem to stop whining or reading a story you’ve already read fifty times? You allow yourself to feel what you feel. You’re human and all of us feel that way sometimes. It definitely doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be a parent or that you’re a bad parent.