The Parenting Coach

I came across this article today that again discusses the issue of helicopter parenting or as they call it “Hyper-Parenting”.  It talks about the consequences of micro managing our kids and over-scheduling. 

This past weekend we saw our daughter off as she boarded her British Airways flight to London.  She’ll be gone for just over three weeks.  This isn’t the first time we’ve seen off on a big trip.  She went to Guatamala three years ago when she was only 18 and last summer she spent six weeks in Quebec, studying French.  She’s done other trips in between.  We couldn’t be more proud of her desire to travel and see the world.  We know this is only the beginning.

It’s a bitter sweet feeling watching your child go off on a big adventure on their own.  There’s the parent in me that struggles with letting go but there is a bigger part of me that knows when our kids grow up and have the confidence to step out of their comfort zone and meet new people and travel to far off places, we’ve done our job.  It’s what we want for them. 

Now that all four of our kids are young adults I’m frequently realizing how quickly the time has gone.  We had such a busy household for so many years and now often there’s just me in the house because my husband works out of town a lot.  There’s something bitter sweet about that too.  Would I want to go back? No.  Do I miss  all the coming and going?  Sometimes.  I do though embrace this new freedom of my middle years.  I can spend as long as I want on hobbies, devote as much time as I want to my work, spend time with friends, travel and so much more.  It’s an odd place to be when so much of my life was dedicated to raising my family.  We’re done now.  It’s time for me.   

I was coaching a mom of a two and four year old yesterday.  Among other things she wanted some tips around whining.  I sympathized with her frustration.  It has to be one of the most irritating of all the behaviors that challenge us.  These are the tips I gave her:

1. Whining is often a way to get attention.  Try to ignore it completely if you can.
2. Instead of asking your child to stop whining, state what you want.  Whatever we focus on is what we get more of so if we’re repeatedly asking a child to stop whining we’ll probably get more whining.  So you can say: “I need to hear your nice voice”
3. Use positive reinforcement.  Say things like:  “I like the way you asked me” or “When you want something and you ask that way, it’s a pleasure to help you.”
4. Try saying:  “As soon as you stop whining, I’ll be happy to listen to you.” If you have to repeat yourself several times, do so but keep your voice calm.