7 Mar
2010
In the past week I’ve presented to two different groups on the subject of sibling rivalry. I always like to start out by asking people how their own parents handled rivalry and how they wished they would have handled it. I think we learn a lot by trying to see things from a child’s perspective.
One thing we know for sure is that if we have more than one child there will be rivalry. That’s a given. Siblings will often fight with each other just out of boredom. It’s as simple as that. We probably all remember bugging our sister or brother just because it was fun. Often though, there’s a reason children feel compelled to attack their sibling. Their perception is that their brother or sister is getting more love and attention. They sense an imbalance and they do what they can to even things out.
Have you ever been told that we need to treat all our children equally? The truth is, children would prefer to be treated uniquely. They each want to know we see them as special and different from their siblings. They want us to recognize their unique talents and abilities as well as needs and wants. For logistical and practical reasons, when we take our kids out, we take them together. When we photograph them, we often photograph them all together. When one needs something new, we buy the other or others something new.
One thing that prevents rivalry is when each child knows, without a doubt, in their parent’s eyes they are special. We do this by acknowledging the things they do well and the things that give them joy. We take the time to spend time with each child, individually. We recognize their individual style of learning as well as their temperment. If we have two children and one loves soccer but the other prefers hockey, we support those differences. We accept them for being who they are and don’t compare one with the other. If we consciously treat each child uniquely rather than equally, we’re less likely to experience a lot of rivalry.
No comments