The Parenting Coach

Children have trouble establishing their self worth just like adults. They wonder if they are good enough for friends, teachers, and even their parents. Work with your child to help them create a healthy self portrait for a healthy life.

Find out what interests them. Activities that build them up should stem from what they most like to do. If this is sports, then ask which sport they most enjoy. Before they join a team though, let them start out by getting some practice with the family. If they like basketball, invest in a basketball goal for your yard. Practice with your child on a regular basis. Praise them when they use good form and make the shot. Offer them constructive criticism laced with love to keep them motivated and on their toes. When they have mastered the basics, ask them if they want to try out for a summer league or a school team. Encourage them to do their best, but most of all, to have fun.

Get your child involved in the youth group at your local church or YMCA. Youth groups teach children a variety of skills and activities designed to be fun and informative. Through their encouragement, your child will learn to make new friends. He/she will also learn to fish, play intramural games, make crafts, and work in a group. Making friends can be intimidating. When your child finds others who accept them for themselves, their self esteem will soar. And, they will have done it on their own.

The Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America train today’s young people to become tomorrow’s leaders in the community. Start your son or daughter off early as a Brownie or a Cub Scout. Through challenges, your child will have the opportunity to earn badges for various life saving skills. They can earn badges for fire safety, swimming, camping know-how, crafts, and many others. The Scouts teach good sportsmanship and love of God and country. Some of the men and women in positions of leadership in this country started out as a Boy or a Girl Scout.

Artistic activities help to bring out the creative side in a child. Let your child experiment with drawing, painting, music, and/or writing. Give them the freedom to find out what they are good at. When they choose an activity, help to find them a mentor who can nurture their desire to learn. I always wanted to paint, but was no good at it. When I discovered writing at an early age, I discovered that I could paint beautiful pictures with words and still have people see what I saw using the medium of my paper and pen. My mother encouraged me to keep writing. She read my stories and keeps them to this day.

Give your child a job to do around the house. I don’t mean a chore, but some task that is just for them. For example, give one of your young children the task of watering the indoor and outdoor flowers everyday. The plants need water and if the child doesn’t give it to them, they won’t get it. Knowing that you rely on and trust in them to do that one job will make your child feel important. Along with the feelings of importance and responsibility comes positive self-worth. The key to self worth for anyone is the feeling that you are needed.

Self-esteem is a very fragile quality in a child. One incident could easily shatter it. Keep your child on a positive slant when it comes to their self image through communication and support. Early on in their lives, strive to give them every opportunity to feel good about themselves and their contribution to the world.

Article by:

Nicole Dean invites you to www.showkidsthefun.com/themes-all.php — a free website filled with activities to make memories with your children and www.ShowKidstheMoney.com — a fun and informative resource for moms who want to help their little entrepreneurs make money.

By Wendy Betterini

Inevitably in life, we will face disapproval or rejection from others. It might be a family member, friend, employer, or even a stranger. They might disagree with the way we live our lives, the decisions we make for ourselves, or even who we are. They might belittle our dreams, criticize our goals, or make hurtful comments that reveal a low opinion of us. These experiences can be quite painful, because we all want to be liked and accepted. We all want to be supported and nurtured and loved by those around us.

Being rejected or ridiculed by others (especially if it’s a frequent occurrence) can cause us to question our own self-worth and value as a person. We begin to wonder if maybe they’re right. Maybe we’re not lovable enough, or talented enough, or “good” enough to be accepted. Following this line of thought for any length of time can be incredibly damaging to our self-confidence.

While it’s normal to have a few moments of uncertainty when we are rejected, the worst thing we can do is internalize the negativity we recieve from others. Just because someone has a low opinion of us does not mean we have to accept it as our truth. They can only come to their conclusions by looking at us from the outside. They don’t feel our feelings, think our thoughts, or experience the things we have in our lives. They are seeing us from a completely different perspective than our own.

To complicate matters even further, their own life experiences, thoughts, and feelings can easily be projected onto us, so they may see something that doesn’t truly exist, except in their own mind.

So, how do we overcome this? How do we avoid letting other people’s negativity erode our belief in ourselves? There are three major points to keep in mind:

1) Reinforcement = Strength. Think of positive thoughts as the antidote to any negativity that comes your way. Feed your mind empowering, positive thoughts daily, preferably several times a day - and most especially after you encounter negativity from another. The stronger you can build up your belief in yourself, the less you will care about others who insult you, ridicule you, or reject you. You won’t be looking to others for your sense of validation or approval, because you will already have your OWN approval.

2) Conserve Your Energy. While it might be tempting to try to explain, defend, or prove yourself to someone who rejects you, this is usually a waste of your time and energy. Once someone forms an opinion of you, they are unlikely to change it. The more you try to change their minds, the more stubbornly they will dig their heels in and resist. So, simply release your need to prove yourself and accept that they are entitled to their opinions. Their comments and opinions cannot detract from your belief in yourself, unless you allow them to.

3) Limit Your Exposure. Once a person reveals their negative opinion or directs hurtful comments your way, you might want to avoid spending excessive time with them in the future. This becomes more difficult if it is a family member that you can’t just shut out of your life completely. But you can still set boundaries and limit the amount of time you are faced with negativity.

Finally, remember that no one else can define you, or live your life for you, or take away the beauty and uniqueness that is you. They may try, but they won’t be successful unless you allow it.
If you instead choose to turn away from the negativity and focus on building a solid foundation of belief in yourself, the negative comments will cease to matter to you. You will go on to create a fulfilling, successful life that reflects exactly who you are, regardless of what others say or do.

About The Author: Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer who strives to motivate, uplift, and inspire you to make your dreams a reality. Visit her website, http://www.WingsForTheHeart.com for more positive thoughts to help you on your journey.

By: Tonya Ramsey

Mothers face many challenges in today’s world. They carry the responsibility of many roles. Through these roles we become different things to different people. Sometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question “Who am I?” even harder to answer.

It grows harder because mothers see this little person that looks up at them with innocent trusting eyes, mommy is everything to that little one. She makes the hurt from boo-boos go away with a kiss, chases the monsters from under the bed away, and rocks them after a bad dream. Every mother takes that responsibility and carries it with her no matter where she goes. It is an awesome responsibility of caring for this wonderful little person and being mom is always on the mind. As much as it is wonderful to revel in mommyhood, we still need to remember that being a mother is just one part of us, the more we allow ourselves to see who we are the better examples we can set for our children to leading a balanced life.

As a mother, I have struggled to find my own identity. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a business owner, a sister, a friend…..but who am I? It is easy to define yourself by what you do and what you mean to other people. As we take on these different roles our own identity gets blurred. It is harder to make the distinction. Who am I if I am not Logan’s mom or Ben’s wife?
Who are you? A wife, a mother, an employee, they are all a part of who we are, but they do not define you. We are the only ones that are able to define who we are. When are we just women? Women that have our own values, ideas, and philosophies, women that are able to embrace their different roles in life, but still are able to maintain there sense of “self”.

The importance of women defining who they are is giving them a chance to grow as women. To recognize that they need to take off all the different hats that they wear during the day and take time to honor who they are.

The problem is that because they are in so many different roles that they stop seeing themselves separate from them. They stop taking time for themselves, because they are giving so much to everyone else. Does this sound familiar? Have you lost your identity among the different jobs that you do everyday? How do you see yourself?

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you are defining yourself by what you do instead of who you are:

Do you spend at least an hour a day doing the things that you want to do? (Reading, participating in hobbies, watching your favorite TV program, etc)

When asked to describe yourself do you start with “I enjoy…” or “I am a woman that believe/feel….”? Or do you say, “I am a mother…” or “I am a nurse…”

Are you able to say “no” to things that interfere with the things that you want to do? Or that you do not have time for?

Do you feel that your life is in balance? Which means that you get enough time to pursue your own interest instead of just the interest of your children or significant other?

Do you feel that you spend time equally on yourself as you do on others?

If you answered “no” to any of the questions it is time to get back in touch with yourself. You need to not only stop defining yourself by what you do but you need to spend sometime getting to know who you are.

Here are some tips for you to get in touch with the forgotten woman inside.

Make sure that you spend time perusing your own interests. The problem with defining yourself by what you do is that you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do; your time is spent doing for others. Do something that you have always wanted to do; take a class, start a book club, anything that gives you some time to just do your own thing. Above all make the time to do it! It’s ok to do something for yourself.

Say “NO” frequently! Just because you take on different roles does not mean that you have to do everything for everybody. Recognize when there is something that others could really do for themselves. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of! REMEMBER it is just as much of a benefit for others to learn how to do for themselves as it is to you.

Make sure that you have OFF DUTY time! Just like a conventional job, make sure there is a time of day when you are done. Don’t work right up until you go to bed. Give yourself time to unwind, distress, and relax. Wait until the kids are in bed and take a long hot bubble bath. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book. Meditate or do yoga. Do whatever relaxes you. You need this time to maintain some balance. Because of you multiple roles you are “on the clock” the majority of the time. You have to have time to distress! Without it you are going to “burn out”. Visualize your bank account if you keep making withdraws without making a deposit, eventually you are going to just run out of resources. Make sure to take time to revitalize yourself.

I have found that by maintaining my own identity that I am a better mother, wife, daughter, business owner, sister, and friend. It maintains balance in my life because I know that even though I am different things to different people; I know what it means to just be me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Tonya Ramsey is a life coach and owner of Life By Design. She specializing in assisting working mothers find life balance to maintain a healthy and peaceful life. For more information on Tonya’s services or to receive a free life coaching session to help you design the life that you want, visit lifebydesign.bravehost.com or send an e-mail to TRamsey75@hotmail.com. Why juggle your life when you can balance it.

By:  Esther  Andrews

Ruth was one of my best friends in elementary school.  She was not the most talented student, nor the most intelligent. She was not the best student in class. But she had great confidence. She had this special attitude of “I can do it”. Later, after graduation, she went on to work for a corporation. I followed her career, when she went up the corporate ladder, and finally landed a very prominent, central position at her company. I saw her take on projects that took major skills, I thought she didn’t have. She just attacked each project using this “can do” attitude, and she always found the right resources to either acquire the skills she needed, or found the right people to take on the assignments she could not perform
herself. I was amazed at her achievements.

From observing Ruth and many other people around me in my career, I learned a very important lesson: one’s confidence determines one’s career. A person can be a genius. He can be most qualified for a job. If he doesn’t believe that he can do it, he might not even take on the assignment in the first
place. If he does take it on, most likely he will not be as successful as he could.

Just a few weeks ago, I had a conversation with Tammy, another friend of mine. She is a very talented psychologist, very respected at her work place and by her superiors. She told me about a position that has become available at her office. I thought that it would be a fabulous opportunity for Tammy, but she said that she is not going to apply for this position, because she doesn’t have enough experience, she does not have the skills needed, and it will take at least another 5 years for her to be able to fulfill this position.

Whether Tammy was right or not in her assessment, I think that this incident proves my point: confidence is a deciding factor for how successful one will be.

So how do we make sure our child develops strong confidence in his ability? In my opinion, this is one of the major issues in parenting. All educators need to ponder this and make sure they support confidence.

Here are a few suggestions that can make a huge difference in your child’s confidence:

1. “You can do it”. Say it to your child often. Teach your child to say to himself, when he attempts to conquer a challenging assignment: “I can do it”.

It is very noticeable that when working on a Math problem, again, confidence is the deciding factor. A student who doubts his own ability to solve the problem, may not apply himself in trying to solve the problem. He will easily say “I can’t do it” or “it’s impossible to solve this”. A student with strong confidence will try until he finds the solution.

Help your child, by reminding him that he can do it. Teach him to say to himself, “I can do it!”.

2. Don’t criticize your child when he attempts an activity. Don’t correct him. It is so tempting to correct a child, when you see him doing something “wrong”. You watch your child coloring, or trying to write, at an early age. He is holding the pen in an awkward position, and your mind is screaming “You hold the pen like this, not like that!”. Exercise discipline - don’t do it!

Should you let your child hold the pen incorrectly? No, of course not! But let him do his research, his experimentation. Let him try different ways to hold the pen, and find out by himself what is most efficient. If you want, you can take your own pen, and your own paper, and do some writing right next to him. He will watch you, and see how you hold the pen. I am sure that he will try your method, and come to his own conclusion.

My neighbor Chris visited me with his 4 year old son, Nick. In order to keep Nick happy and busy, we gave him some crayons, pencils and paper, so that we could have our own conversation. As Nick was trying to write his name, holding the pencil in a slightly awkward position, writing some letters that had no resemblance to the letters in his name, his father jumped up, yanked the pencil out of his hand, wrote the name down in front of him, and said, “What happened to you! This is wrong, this is how you write your name!” Nick is a very serious child, who attempts everything to the best of his ability. As I looked at him, I noticed the expression on his face. It was very troubled. He laid the pencil down, and refused to try any more. What is the message Chris has given to his son? I think that the thought that went through Nick’s head was, “I am not good at this”. Ok, I give you 3 guesses: how good is Nick’s handwriting now, at age 8? - You guessed it! It is not good.

3. Praise, praise, praise. Take the opportunity to celebrate every achievement, big or small. Praise your child for a good effort to complete an assignment. Praise your child for learning a new skill. Praise your child when he shows interest. Praise your child when he shows drive. Praise your child for anything that you would like to encourage.

Praise has to be sincere, of course. Praise has to be accompanied by enthusiasm. It has to feel good.

Before my son, Eric, was 2 years old, we started taking piano lessons together. I have always wanted to learn to play the piano, but my parents did not make it available to me. So now I saw an opportunity. Our scheduled lessons started with Eric, and when Eric was done I got my lesson. The piano teacher used to praise me lavishly. She told me how talented I am. She told me that adults, when learning to play the piano, usually are much slower than I am, that I am learning so fast, that I have a natural ability. Well - I loved going to these lessons. I enjoyed the lessons. I was very enthusiastic about learning to play the piano. Obviously, if the praise worked so well for me, an adult, wouldn’t it work wonders for a child?

4. At the end of the day, when you tuck your child to bed, discuss the day’s events with your child. Ask the important question: Tell me about the good things that happened today. Make sure the last thoughts of your child, before he goes to sleep, are the good, positive experiences of the day. Make sure you praise him for something he did today, some achievement. End the day on a positive note. This will also insure that you haven’t forgotten to praise your child where praise is due.

5. Write down a few positive affirmations for your child. Good examples for affirmations are: “You are so smart, and getting smarter every day”. Or “You are learning more and more every day”. Affirmations have to be written in the present tense, in positive format (”I am strong and healthy”, instead of “I am not sick”). Think of your child’s challenges at the time, or if your child had a bad experience, write an affirmation that will negate the negative experience. (Remember - you write it in a positive format).

Repeat the affirmations to your child, 3 times each. 2 to 3 affirmations at a time are plenty. If your child cooperates, teach him to say the affirmations to himself. You can do this during the day, and at bed time. Early morning at the time your child wakes up is also a good time for affirmations. It is a good idea to read the affirmations into a recording device, and let your child listen to them at his convenience, or while you are driving, waiting in line, or just resting.

6. Your child learns about the world and about himself from you, and from the community that he is in. Teachers, classmates and friends can also easily affect your child’s confidence. It is a good idea to make sure, to the best of your ability, that your child is in a positive environment.

If your child is very young, make sure all others who take care of him are also aware and considerate of your child’s confidence. When you choose a day care facility for your child, or a baby sitter, make sure you choose a positive environment. If your child is older and goes to school, it is a good idea to meet your child’s teacher early in the school year, and make sure they are positive, gentle and respectful. You can specifically bring up the issue of confidence and ask them to support your child’s confidence. It is always good to choose a teacher for your child who is cooperative, a teacher who will work with you for the benefit of your child.

7. Make sure your child knows he can discuss with you any issue that is on his mind. This way, if something negative happens, you will be able to help your child cope with it in a positive way, instead of creating a painful memory that may affect your child for the rest of his life.

About The Author: http://www.all-gifted-children.com In the last 27 years, Esther Andrews has specialized in gifted education. In her “The Manual You Child Should Have Come With - How to Develop Your Child’s Genius” she is revealing how she grew 2 profoundly gifted children, and how you can do it too. Check it out at http://www.all-gifted-children.com/package.htm.

There was a class of “challenged” children and many teachers were brought in over time but each one ended up quitting in frustration. Finally, a teacher was brought in and a miracle happened. That class of students ended up becoming a group of happy, well- behaved and good students. What happened?

From the time that teacher entered the classroom, she refused to see the children as they appeared to others. She saw through and beyond appearances. She instead saw in her mind’s eye each student as a well-behaved, perfect student. She saw only their potential and perfection and they became exactly as she envisioned.

We Can Change Our Perception
Part of my teaching is that you cannot change people. What you can do is change your perception of them. When you envision them as you want them to be, in their happy and best state, they pick this up and respond on a subconscious level. In my own life, I have used this principle to great advantage. I would imagine someone being receptive and in my mind’s eye see them harmonizing with me. I would imagine them being happy or pleased or whatever and “hear” them expressing what I would like to hear. Of course, we only want to envision the highest and the best for someone. We don’t impose our will on someone else, but we can lift them in consciousness to their own highest good by maintaining that image in our thoughts and feelings. This releases the other person and allows adjustments to be made on a mental and spiritual level. Releasing is powerful. When we loose and let go, amazing things happen. There will either be a noticeable change in the person or that person will peacefully move out of our lives if they are not supposed to be there for our highest good.

Remember this principle? It is our job to see and feel the end result. It is the Universe’s job to get us there.

You Might Be Surprised
I have had students apply this principle and see changes in their spouses, friends, and others. Don’t laugh, but I have even used this on inanimate objects and it worked! The answers come when we loosen up.
Like it or not, we are greatly influenced and can become as others see us (and “feel” us). We do pick up their thoughts subconsciously. In the area of marketing, we must make the effort to project to others what we desire to project - as this determines the feedback and results we get - or else we will subconsciously respond to their ideas about us. This carries over into our personal lives. I have seen people who could not move forward because of the image of them held by those close to them. It took concerted effort to shift their consciousness beyond what others thought and finally succeed. And then there is the opposite. Many have succeeded because someone else believed in them and saw a greater potential than they saw for themselves.

Try It… You’ll Like It
Wouldn’t it be an interesting experiment to change our perceptions about a difficult person in our business life - a client, partner, co-worker, boss - or in our personal life - a spouse, partner, relative, child - and see what happens?

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to put this principle into practice and see what happens. Instead of imaging things as they are, which I am sorry to say will only perpetuate more of the same, start imaging the person or situation as you want them to be.

Give thanks for the end result. Use the powerful gratitude principle combined with affirmative prayer to turn those very situations around by expressing gratitude for the solutions before they appear. Bringing the desired result into the “now” moment by using the gratitude principle speeds our desired good to us.

© Copyright 2004 Marilyn Jenett

Marilyn Jenett, an accomplished business owner in the corporate arena (http://www.MarilynJenettLocations.com) founded the Feel Free to Prosper program to mentor and teach others to become aligned with Universal laws and accept their right to prosper. Her students, from around the globe and from all walks of life, are enjoying remarkable success using her lessons and participating in her telephone group sessions. For more information, check out her website at http://www.FeelFreetoProsper.com.

By: Mark Susnow

Many people have been saying that this era is different and that
we have more to worry about than past generations. While it is
true that we have major concerns that are unique to us at this
time, past generations also had their share of unique challenges.
No matter what our challenges are, the decisions and choices we
make on a day to day basis determine our ability to be happy.
Happiness is a choice and is not dependent on future events and
circumstances. Now is the perfect time to be happy.

Recently at my daughter Makaelas graduation from high school I
was reminded of this truth. I reflected upon my own journey since
high school. I remember how anxious I was to get away from home
and begin college even though it was just across the bay in
Berkeley. I believed college would be the answer to my problems
and it was for a brief period of time. But soon I started to
experience the same disenchantment and longing that I had
experienced in high school.

My focus again shifted to the future which was getting into law
school. Of course once in law school my new focus was graduating
and passing the bar so “real life” would begin. And what I called
“real life” began… I was out of school, making my own money and
involved in an intense love affair.

There’s no question I was excited when I began my career as an
attorney. I was using the legal system as a vehicle of change to
fulfill my mission of changing the world. After a while financial
realities set in and I began to struggle in business and in love.
My mindset was that when business picked up and when I met “the
one” I could start to enjoy life again. My concerns about the
future clouded my ability to enjoy the present.

I was repeating the familiar pattern of making an unknown future
better than the present. For many of us this is a never ending
pattern.

I’ve always been a firm believer in synchronicity…those chance
encounters that change your life…those remarkable meetings.
Many years ago a friend told me of a magical swimming hole along
a river in Humboldt County. Off I went with my guitar, my dog and
sleeping bag; I drove North arriving at the river just as the sun
was setting. In the morning I awoke at the crack of dawn in
search of the swimming hole. As I continued my journey I barely
noticed a few campsites along the river until a camper offered me
some food and coffee. Although I found myself getting hungry and
tired I said no thanks to the kind invitation–I just wanted to
get to that swimming hole. After another twenty yards I turned
around and said “that coffee sounds good.” It was what the camper
said in the next few moments that has perhaps made the greatest
impact in my life.

“Say man, the journey you take is probably more important than
your destination. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the journey.” From that
moment on I did. I enjoyed my breakfast, enjoyed the rest of the
hike and of course the swimming hole was fabulous.

I can honestly say it was that experience which transformed my
ability to enjoy the present moment.

Shifting your paradigm about the future will change your life.
Instead of waiting to arrive at your destination before you begin
to enjoy your vacation, enjoy packing and the trip to the
airport. Instead of waiting for that big opportunity or break to
occur, enjoy exactly what you’re doing. Instead of accumulating
more, enjoy what you have. Instead of feeling despair about
finding meaning and purpose in your life, enjoy the inquiry.
Instead of waiting for that ideal relationship to happen, enjoy
life exactly as it is.

Hopefully you are inspired. Let me know what you discover and I
love receiving your many responses and feedback. Thank you and
keep them coming. Feel free to pass this letter on to the friends
in your circle and let them know about the advantages of being on
the journey. And as my friend Roy says enjoy the ride.

Journey On

Mark
mark@inspirepossibility.com
(415) 453-5016

———————————————————————
Mark Susnow has a unique background. Formerly a successful trial
attorney for 30 years, as well as musician, he integrates what it
takes to be truly prosperous in the world with the inner wisdom
unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation practice.
As a personal coach, leadership consultant and inspirational
speaker, Mark provides inspiration and motivation to many
business leaders and professionals. He knows what it means to
have a big vision and has demonstrated the courage and energy it
takes to accomplish it. Consider contacting Mark and be sure to
visit his website http://www.inspirepossibility.com

By: Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC

Healthy boundaries are like invisible safety zones that surround each person. Boundaries help us keep ourselves safe, and keep us from doing harm to others. Here are some examples:

17-year-old Vicki goes out for pizza with friends. Vicki stops eating when she feels full.

Vicki maintains her healthy boundary by listening to what her body wants and needs, without feeling pressured to fit in, and possibly overeat.

Annie meets Mario, a new friend, for coffee. Annie and Mario enjoy their conversation, and the time flies by. When they are ready to leave, Annie asks Mario if she can give him a hug.

Both Annie and Mario have warm and happy feelings about each other after their conversation. Rather than assuming that it is okay to hug Mario, Annie shows respect for Mario by asking if a hug is okay. Annie protects her own boundary by not forcing a hug when it is not wanted.

We are born with our boundaries intact. In normal human development, we learn to distinguish between others, and ourselves, between our feelings and the feelings of others. We learn that we can have thoughts, ideas, dreams, wishes that do not have to be the same as the dreams and wishes of others.

These are some of the signs of healthy boundaries:
- having appropriate trust
- deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you
- self-respect – not giving too much in hope that someone will like you
- respect for others – not taking advantage of someone’s generosity
- saying “NO” to gifts, food, touch that you do not want
- recognizing that friends and partners are not mind-readers

You can improve your boundaries by paying attention to your actions. Consider your motivation when deciding to do or not to do something. You can learn to have better boundaries for yourself and others. If unhealthy boundaries are really a problem for you, it is a good idea to seek help. A therapist can help you understand how your boundaries became damaged, and provide support as you learn new and healthier ways to interact.

© 2006 Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC - All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Article by:

Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC www.CynthiaMckennaCounseling.com is a therapist and life-coach who helps people have more joy and peace in daily living. Cynthia works with clients throughout the United States by phone and email. You can schedule a session with Cynthia, sign up for her e-newsletter, get more information, or request a copy of “Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries” here: www.CynthiaMcKennaCounseling.com/contact.htm Check out Cynthia McKenna’s Blog: www.counseling.typepad.com

By: Deanna Mascle

You want to raise a reader. That much you know. But how? That’s the $20,000 question. You could probably spend that $20,000 on how-to books for you, readers for your child, flash cards and other accessories, and specialized reading programs promoting every possible avenue to full literacy.

You could, but you don’t have to do all that. The facts are simple. Between 80-85 percent of children learn to read by the middle of first grade and most of those children will learn without the benefit of fancy reading programs and books. Many of those children will learn to read as the result of simple preliteracy activities they encountered at home and/or school.

In fact, studies show that starting early is not necessary and could do more harm than good. Formal reading instruction, especially if introduced too early and if focused on “skill and drill,” can actually interfere with emergent literacy. However there are things you can do before you get to that point–and these activities are fun and can lay a strong early literacy foundation to make it easier for your child to learn to read later on.

As a basic foundation for learning to read and write, kids need strong speaking and listening skills. When you and other adults around your kids encourage them to talk, ask questions, and use dramatic play, it increases their vocabulary, allows them to hear and practice building sentences, and gives them more knowledge to understand spoken and written language.

Simply reading, talking, and listening to a young child in a warm and positive environment at every opportunity are among the most important things you can do.

There are three skill areas that form the foundation for reading. Kids who develop strong skills in these areas have greater success learning to read: Print Knowledge, Literacy Awareness, and Language Understanding.

Print knowledge is simply the understanding that print (letters, words, symbols, and printed media such as books and signs) carries a message. This encompasses learning that people read text rather than pictures and the correct way to read a book or page (right side up, left to right, top to bottom).

Literacy awareness encompasses a child’s first efforts to use print in a meaningful way. This includes recognizing letters and groupings of letters (the child recognizes his or her name or the name of a store) and attempts to write letters and words such as his or her name.

Language understanding is just that-understanding how language works. This includes being able to sound out individual letters in a word and counting the words in a spoken sentence.

Children develop these skills by having many early experiences with language, books, and print. They can have these experiences as part of everyday life, through play, conversation, and a wide range of activities. Young children use play and talk as a way to expand, explore, and make sense of their world. When kids talk about daily tasks and special events, tell stories, sing songs, and scribble, they are laying the groundwork for reading and writing.

The primary reason many children struggle with learning to read is because they simply do not have enough experiences with language, books, and print. They need more time at home and in their early childhood programs devoted to helping them develop the skills that lead to reading. A lack of developmentally appropriate skill-building at an early age can significantly limit the reading and writing level a child attains.

Becoming literate

Becoming a literate person is something that every human begins almost from birth. In essence, we are actually programmed to become literate. However, that does not mean the path to literacy is smooth and easy.

While the progression to literacy is a natural evolution we are all programmed to follow, literacy does not occur in a vacuum. Literacy emerges in individuals only when they are immersed in a community of literacy. Interactions such as sharing a picture book, telling a story, and talking about experiences are central to emergent literacy.

Most parents are aware of the importance of reading to their child, but it is so important that it cannot be emphasized enough. According to the Partnership for Reading, a project administered by the National Institute for Literacy, “Reading aloud to children has been called the single most important activity for building the knowledge required for success in reading.”

Typically, parents play an important role in developing this skill by reading to children and showing how important reading is to their daily life. Find time to read aloud with your child every day. Lap time with picture books and stories can strongly motivate your child to enjoy reading.

Studies focusing on parents of successful readers found that they do more than simply read to their children. They also engage in specific strategies, which maximize the reading experience. These strategies are actually fairly simple: talk about the book with your child before reading it; read aloud using an enthusiastic voice; and let your child ask questions about the book. Parents can also encourage their child to “read” the story back to them (especially if it is a favorite that has been read many times to the child) and/or share fun variations of the story.

However, while this is significant, this is not the only way your child learns. Knowledge is constructed as a result of dynamic interactions between the individual and the physical and social environments. In a sense the child discovers knowledge through active experimentation. Try to make books available for your child to explore and enjoy on their own as well as with you.

It is important to remember that literacy is much broader than simply reading. Allowing a child to draw or color and playing word games and singing songs are also a part of literacy. Sometimes literacy development does not actually involve print. There are many ways of learning to read and write. Some of these ways may look suspiciously like play which makes them all the more effective.

Children learn through play. Play provides opportunities for exploration, experimentation, and manipulation that are essential for constructing knowledge and contributes to the development of representational thought. During play, children examine and refine their learning in light of the feedback they receive from the environment and other people. It is through play that children develop their imaginations and creativity. During the primary grades, children’s play becomes more rule-oriented and promotes the development of autonomy and cooperation which contributes to social, emotional, and intellectual development.

Make-believe among peers also plays an important role in emergent literacy. Pretending is, in fact, an ideal area in which children can develop literacy-related language skills. In pretend play, children use language to create imaginary worlds; and the manner in which language is used when pretending has much in common with reading. It is important to provide children time and settings in which they can use language with each other in a variety of social dramatic play activities.

Block play, too, can serve as a foundation for literacy. While reading and writing and playing with blocks seem miles apart at first glance, block play offers the literacy-related benefits of helping children understand symbolization, refine visual discrimination, develop fine-motor coordination, and practice oral language.

So remember, your goal is not to teach your child to read so much as it is to help them become literate. Immerse your child in literacy by talking, reading, singing, pretending, and playing and you will have done a great deal to prepare your child to become a reader.
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